i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
