What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
