if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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