You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
