The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
