so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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