you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize