not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
