Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
