Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
