Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
