if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
