I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
