When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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