She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
