at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
