i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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