New invention idea: vibrating tampons
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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