I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize