I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
