Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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