she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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