If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
