ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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