I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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