And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
