Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
