whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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