Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My ass is underappreciated
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
