Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize