my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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