you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize