Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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