The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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