So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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