a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
