all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
