he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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