Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
