Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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