God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
