her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
