Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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