Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
