You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
