she peed on how many people?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
