in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
