..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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