I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
