The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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