first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
