One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night I used snow as a chaser
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