Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
