Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
