Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she told me i tasted like america
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
