PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
