I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
vagina is talking i cant
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
