I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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