the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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