if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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