I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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