She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Even my vagina gasped.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
