Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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